I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
