so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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