Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
