Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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