My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
