I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
