my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
