Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
and i looked up. we had an audience...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
