Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
