I looked at my own cervix.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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