Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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