My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
