I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
