someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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