i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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