hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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