Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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