Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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