I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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