I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
