Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
