just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They took my balls.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
