Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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