I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
