I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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