Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
