I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
