Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
A+ Viking dick
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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