I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
whose parrot is this?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
