Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
