The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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