i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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