Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize