today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
