There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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