She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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