Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
