i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
