After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
