His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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