Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
