u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
