I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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