My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
