apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
