There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
