Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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