I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
