Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
