eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
