Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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