I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
