What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
