There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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